*Warning – contains gore, profanity and other things*
I left you on part 1 with me pissing myself on Stradbroke Road roundabout, so I’m sorry that that was your lasting mental image. The entire journey I was terrified that I was going to start to give birth and have to have Madeleine delivered in a lay by. I’d later find out my lack of progress but we’ll get to that in a minute. Upon arrival at the delivery suite I collapsed onto all fours and crawled my way to the room I would be having Maddie, having contractions every couple of feet.
The next part is a little bit of a blur. I met my midwives who I am eternally grateful for. In all honesty if my main midwife wasn’t on staff that day I don’t know if either Maddie or myself would be here and I most certainly wouldn’t be writing this post! After explaining the night’s ordeal, I was examined and the midwife looked up and announced that she was going to have to cut the sac (gag). My waters were still intact and to make matters worse I had only dilated by 1cm since the day before. I was then offered gas and air and a very blurry two hours followed. My mother and partner sat on the chairs next to me whilst I puffed on the gas, bit onto the mouthpiece but in between would burst into laughter reading signs on the wall. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed when I was examined again and it was announced that I’d jumped to 10cm in two hours!
I wasn’t ready for the actual birth itself. I have a hard time processing instructions and it would prove to become an issue when it came to bringing my daughter into the World…
The epidural must have been painful and it was the part that I feared the most (LOL) but I don’t remember much of it at all, what I do remember was the midwife turning to me and saying she was going to call a consultant due to Maddie’s heart rate dropping on every contraction. She stated that it wasn’t normal to do so at this point but that she just had a funny feeling. I remember seeing everyone and their uncle coming in to observe as I was in a teaching hospital and consented because I knew they had to learn somehow. I remember the consultant saying that the baby was stuck and that forceps were going have to be used.
Now before going into hospital, so many people told me how a c section was a terrible idea.
‘You can’t lift your baby for weeks!’
‘The recovery time is so much longer!’
I am here to tell you, when it comes to the time that you have your own children, PLEASE trust your own intuition. I was not prepared for how horrific and emotionally scaring this birth would be for everyone but mostly for myself.
For some stupid reason I had never googled what forceps looked like (lord knows why, I look up everything else). I thought forceps looked like BBQ tongs! Turns out it’s more like having two giants salad spoons crossed over and put inside you. That’s after they have to perform an episiotomy of course. Baring in mind I had an epidural, gas and air and possibly something else, the pain was worse than I could ever describe. I between screams I also shouted out that I needed a KFC so it’s possible I may have been starting to lose my mind.
Have you ever seen a movie where someone has had a car crash and heads appear within their vision asking how many fingers they are holding up and who the president is? Imagine that but with five clinicians screaming ‘you’re not pushing!’ and your reply being ‘yes I fucking am what the fuck do you want from me?!’, well that was pretty much the situation. This must have gone on for 10 seconds but it felt like an eternity. Just at the point where I thought I was going to black out I looked round for my mum and Daniel. I caught Daniel’s eyes, he was trying to look calm but I could tell he was traumatised. He whispered ‘push your bum down, you’re clamping onto the forceps right now,’ and I did. As quick as that she was out. She was rushed to the side, the cord had wrapped round her neck twice but she was fine. She wouldn’t cry and she was in shock and as I looked down at the consultant who was now sowing me up, elbow deep in my blood, I think we all were.
It was like being in limbo as I waited for them to bring her to me, but as soon as they laid her on my chest I looked down and could never imagine life without her. She was here: Madeleine Emilia Jones, 7lbs 0z, our little girl.